With approximately half of all marriages ending in divorce, you may be wondering how to build long lasting love. Perhaps you doubt whether long-term happiness is even possible. The great news is, many couples do find a way to sustain the love and excitement of those heady, early days. The even better news is, long lasting love is built upon positivity, personal growth and shared experiences.
Stony Brook University researcher Arthur Aron, ph.D, found that couples who participate in new and exciting activities together share increased relationship happiness. It’s all about what he calls ‘self-expansion’: if you can grow alongside your partner, your bond remains fresh and interesting. Feelings of self-achievement become shared triumphs. Boredom and a sense of being ‘stuck in a rut’ – the contributing factors to so many break-ups – are unlikely to plague couples who actively seek out enjoyable, shared experiences. Learn to dance together; cook together; climb mountains. Stroll around galleries; visit places you’ve never been; study an ancient culture that holds a mutual fascination. Debate world politics; take an exotic spa break; spend a week volunteering. The key is to never stop thinking like a new couple. Never forget the excitement of finally finding someone incredible to share your journey.
The level of satisfaction couples experience with the romance, passion and sex within a relationship is determined by the quality of their friendship. Take time to really listen to your partner. People in the most successful relationships spend five or more hours a week actively talking and taking an interest in each other’s lives. They show enthusiasm. They ask questions. They offer congratulations and encouragement.
In 2012, filmmaker and writer Nate Bagley began the ‘Loveumentary Project’ loveumentary.com. His goal was to find the greatest love stories of our time. Having interviewed more than one hundred couples, Nick felt a single quote truly summed up the secret of lasting love:
“At the end of Ty’s life, I want him to be able to say, ‘Terri was the greatest earthly blessing in my life — the best thing that ever happened to me — and that I’m a better man because of how she loved me.’ And that’s the goal that I live with every day. That’s how I want to love this man.’”
Before we ask how to build long lasting love, we have to first look within. It’s about a desire to share the best version of ourselves. It’s about being as enthusiastic and kind and loving towards our partner as we are able to be. And when disagreements arise, it’s about knowing how to work through conflict with understanding and humour. Happy couples operate within the 5:1 ratio: for every negative interaction, there are at least five positive ones.
If you are ready for an exciting, new, long term relationship, call us on 0800 6444170 for an informal chat about how our Personal Matchmakers can help you find the partner you deserve.