In today's everchanging world, the ways in which men meet their partners has transformed dramatically. Traditional avenues for dating still remain, but platforms such as online dating and dating apps have introduced entirely new ways for making new connections and these bring their own challenges.
Here we look at all of the ways in which men meet women in the UK today, thinking about how cultural and social change, technology, and changing social norms have all impacted on men’s search for their soulmate, and we consider which dating strategy could be the most effective.
The Evolution of dating in the UK
Numerous factors have come into play over recent decades that many argue may have made it harder for single people to find a new partner, both for men and women.
More people move around the country with their work, moving away from their established social networks that previously helped bring about straightforward introductions to potential new partners.
There has been a greater awareness of harassment and safety concerns particularly in the workplace, which has led many women to be more wary of approaches from men and also making men more cautious of making the first move, whilst many women will still look to the man to do this.
It also seems like we have more competing priorities in our lives today, with both men and women focusing on their career progression and personal goals, rather than on establishing long-term relationships, which we see reflected in the later average age for marriage and having children in the UK.
Online dating
The emergence of dating apps and online dating websites revolutionised how many people thought about how to find romance, and they account for around a quarter of all new relationships in the UK, though this headline figure varies considerably across the age groups, being far higher in the under 25’s.
The most well-known on-line dating platforms include:
Tinder which has become the most-used dating app in the UK, with over 6.5 million profiles. It’s simple swipe-based formula has made it straightforward to use and possibly this very straightforwardness has earned its reputation for a place to find casual encounters more than the go to place to find someone suitable for a more long-lasting relationship.
Bumble gained in popularity with its female-first approach, where women must initiate the conversation after matching, though in more recent times, Bumble has seen a decline in user growth.
Hinge markets itself as "the dating app designed to be deleted," focusing on creating meaningful connections that lead to relationships rather than casual encounters, though we would question whether this truly reflects its reputation.
Match.com, eHarmony, and OK Cupid continue to serve as the more established dating platforms and compared to those above, these tend to use more detailed dating profiles and have some use of compatibility algorithms.
There are also dating apps that aim at more specific demographics, such as Muzmatch for Muslims and Silver Singles for older adults.
Bear in mind that dating app and online dating website usage varies a great deal by age. Among the 18–24-year-olds, more than 50% report having used them, but this compares to only around 1 in 7 of those who are aged over 55. Geography also plays a role, with urban dwellers tending to use dating apps at higher rates than people living in more rural areas.
Social Media platforms
Beyond the dedicated dating platforms, mainstream social media has become a more common space for romantic connections:
Instagram can facilitate connections through mutual interests, with people sometimes forming relationships after following each other's content.
Facebook remains a channel for reconnecting with former acquaintances or meeting friends-of-friends through its events and groups features.
Twitter and Reddit have become spaces where shared interests are discussed and could lead on to a romantic connection, particularly through interest-based on-line communities.
These sorts of platforms can create opportunities for men to meet women developing from having a mutual interest or pre-existing connection, rather than using the platform with an explicit dating intention. While this might well appeal as being a less pressured or more natural way for you to meet your potential soulmate, it’s important to recognise that the opportunity of finding a partner through these platforms will be lower, since many will have no desire to find romance on these platforms and may already be settled in a relationship, as it was not their motivation for being there.
Traditional ways that men meet women
Despite online dating innovations, traditional ways for you to meet your new partner continue to play a very important role in bringing happy couples together:
Through traditional matchmaking agencies
Alongside the growth of online dating there was a resurgence of interest in using traditional dating agencies, where dating profiles are not published online, and a matchmaker puts members in touch with each other where they see real potential in the match. These sorts of agencies such as Attractive Partners, particularly appeal to those who prefer a personal and more discrete dating service.
There is a far greater degree of privacy in meeting others through a traditional dating agency and the client base tends to be made up of those who are wanting a longer-term relationship and who may be more discerning as to who they’d like to meet. Professionals look to traditional dating agencies such as Attractive Partners to meet others of a similar calibre and background.
Traditional matchmaking agencies cater for a wide age group of ages, the average age typically being in the 40’s, but with members from mid-twenties to those in their 80’s. Attractive Partners also run ID validation and background checks on all new members, so if you are meeting new people through the Attractive Partners matchmaking service, it’s likely to be a far safer way of dating than through the online dating platforms where any checks are typically far less rigorous and some may not be at all genuine, and out to exploit people, rather than genuinely seeking a new partner.
Through friends and social circles
Introduction through mutual friends and social contacts still remains a common way that couples meet in the UK. According to a recent YouGov survey, approximately 24% of current relationships began through mutual friends or shared social circles.
These connections can occur at all sorts of social gatherings ush as:
- House parties
- Birthday celebrations
- Wedding receptions
- Group holidays
- Regular social meetups
- Even at funerals!
These introductions can benefit from the built-in social vetting process, as friends acting as matchmakers will introduce people that they believe will be compatible with each other.
Through workplace connections
Despite increasing caution about workplace romance due to concerns over professional boundaries, approximately 20% of long-term relationships still begin at work. Professional workplace environments provide opportunities to:
- Observe potential partners in a variety of day-to-day situations
- Develop relationships gradually through daily interaction
- Discover shared professional interests and values
Many companies have clear policies about workplace relationships to ensure transparency and avoid any possible conflict of interest, and many in more senior roles tread particularly carefully to avoid the risk of compromising themselves or others, if considering dating someone they know through work.
Through educational institutions
Universities and further education colleges also remain significant meeting grounds for romantic partnerships, through shared courses, student groups and societies, social events and parties and student accommodation. The shared experiences and pressures of student life often create strong bonds that sometimes evolve into romantic relationships. However, this is probably a far more common way of meeting your new partner if at university as a student and realistic opportunities may well be less if on the faculty.
Through hospitality and entertainment Venues
If you are a little older, you may look back fondly to times in your youth spent in traditional social venues such as these below, when it seemed entirely possible to meet someone new quite spontaneously, whilst enjoying a relaxing drink on a night out. However, hospitality and entertainment venues may not be such obvious places for single men today to find their new partner, with women increasingly cautious of being approached by any stranger, even in these social settings.
Pubs and bars remain central to British dating culture, with alcohol often serving as a social lubricant that will reduce inhibitions, and they may be a place to meet up with someone you’ve already connected with for a first date. However, it is not that common for women to go into a pub hoping to meet their future partner and the after-work pub culture in many British cities has changed considerably since Covid times, with more people now working from home, particularly on Fridays, when workers may previously have looked forward to socialising after the office closed for the weekend.
Nightclubs appeal more to younger demographics seeking connections and such encounters may skew toward more casual rather than long-term relationships.
Music venues and festivals bring together people with shared musical interests, creating natural conversation starters and shared experiences and when the event runs over several days, they can provide a good opportunity to quite naturally make new friends which can hopefully lead to more than just friendship.
Restaurants and cafes provide more relaxed settings for chance encounters, particularly in urban areas where working from cafes has become more common. Despite drives for equality, it is still more usually the social norm in the UK for the man to make the first move and its worth bearing in mind you probably have little to lose in finding a way of making a gentle introduction of yourself, that perhaps leads on to a chat over a cup of coffee.
Through interest-based groups
Sports and fitness activities
Active pursuits create opportunities for meeting like-minded individuals such as team sports, running clubs and parkrun events, cycling groups and gym classes. These settings can provide natural conversation starters and regular meet ups can easily develop any friendships that form into deeper connections, though bear in mind not all women would like to be approached by men when they are in the middle of a workout, so it’s worth picking your time carefully if looking to approach a woman at your sports club or fitness activity.
Hobby Groups and Classes
Shared interests can also often form the foundation for lasting relationships such as cooking classes, art workshops, musical groups, book clubs, dance classes or photography societies. These environments naturally select people with similar interests and often attract those who are actively seeking to expand their social circles and meet new people.
Community and Volunteer Work
Getting involved in community activities brings opportunities for men to meet women who share similar values. You can meet women through volunteering in charity fundraising events, various local society activities such as amateur dramatics groups or choirs, or in helping out with local environmental initiatives. Mixed choirs are often short of men, so you could be especially welcome if you can hold a tune!
Through speed dating and singles events
Organized singles dating events have come along a long way since the boom seen in traditional speed dating of twenty or so years ago and provide all sorts of relaxed ways in which you can meet women. Event organisers will tell you it is not uncommon for the women to be a lot more proactive than the men in booking onto these activities, so it’s likely that as a man, you will be in demand! There are relaxed singles mixers often centred around activities that reduce any pressure, as well as more dressy affairs such as fine dining or balls, where you can meet women in a friendly and convivial party atmosphere, where everyone looks their best. There are also activity-based singles events such as cooking classes, escape rooms, or group rambles, all of which provide fun shared experiences that help you to start that all important first conversation.
The regional variations across the UK
London offers the greatest diversity of options, with specialized dating events, extensive app usage, and a highly mobile population and the city's cosmopolitan nature means that relationships will often cross-cultural boundaries.
University towns like Oxford, Cambridge, and Edinburgh benefit from regular influxes of educated singles and create dynamic dating environments for younger people in particular, via both traditional and more modern ways of dating.
Northern cities like Manchester, Liverpool, and Newcastle still have strong pub cultures and community connections, where there’s a greater emphasis on meeting someone through social circle introductions.
Rural areas rely more heavily on established social networks, community events, and increasingly, dating apps or professional matchmaking services such as Attractive Partners, that help overcome the lack of options that rural daters will often face.
Coastal and tourist areas experience seasonal fluctuations in dating opportunities, with summer months bringing increased social events and temporary relationships, whilst the off season can be pretty quiet and may lack opportunities.
Age differences in how we look for new partners
Different generations show marked differences in how they approach finding new partners:
Generation Z (aged18-24) predominantly uses dating apps and social media, with less emphasis on traditional dating methods
Millennials (aged 25-40) tend to use either online dating or traditional dating approaches including professional matchmaking agencies such as Attractive Partners. They look to keep their options open, tapping into online dating as well as more traditional ways in which to find a partner.
Generation X (aged 41-56) place higher value on introductions through trusted networks or a professional matchmaker and may feel more comfortable using a traditional matchmaking service such as Attractive Partners, rather than scrolling through online dating websites.
Baby Boomers (aged 57+) show similar patterns to Generation X, though tend to prefer the more traditional ways of finding a new partner and many in this age group do not want to try online dating.
Challenges in contemporary dating
The abundance of ways in which to find a new partner has created new challenges such as “Choice paralysis” which occurs when we have too many options, making deciding what to do more difficult. It’s hard to keep focused in any one direction when faced with numerous options and you can fall into the trap of hesitation in committing to any potential partner whilst trying to keep one eye on other prospects. It’s worth remembering that the person in front of you could become your ideal mate and she may lose interest in you if you are not showing her some signs of real interest and commitment.
Many online daters describe having ‘Dating App fatigue’ - an emotional exhaustion that comes from repeatedly swiping, superficial messaging and the ghosting that happens all too commonly with online dating. Ghosting and unduly casual treatment of potential partners has increased with digital platforms, which many find unsettling and disappointing, putting both men and women off using online dating services.
What are your best strategies to meet women?
Be your authentic self
Multiple studies confirm that being your true self leads to better dating outcomes:
- Research from the University of Kansas found that presenting an accurate representation of yourself leads to more successful long-term relationships
- Dating profiles that honestly reflect your personality and interests attract more compatible matches
- Authenticity creates trust and reduces disappointment when meeting in person, the opposite is true when dating profiles exaggerate or include blatantly false information such as lying about age, height and occupation.
Focus on demonstrating emotional intelligence
- A 2019 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that emotional intelligence was more strongly correlated with finding relationship satisfaction than physical attractiveness and men who show empathy such as by active listening, and emotional awareness, report having more successful dating experiences
- The ability to understand and respond to a partner's emotional needs strengthens connections
Grow your social networks through having interests
- Research from the University of Oxford shows that relationships formed through having some shared activities have higher satisfaction rates
- Participating in interest-based groups where interests are shared deepens the connection and make you more interesting
Be clear about your intentions
- Studies consistently show that upfront communication about relationship goals reduces misunderstandings, so avoid any game playing and say what you are hoping for from a relationship
- Being transparent about whether you're seeking casual dating or looking for a long-term relationship will help you to attract compatible partners looking for the same thing
- This approach respects both people's time and their emotional investment
Develop your conversation skills
- Research published in Communication Quarterly shows that conversation quality directly impacts how attractive you are to the opposite sex.
- Men who ask thoughtful, open questions and show genuine interest in their date's responses create stronger connections
- The ability to maintain engaging conversations and listen to other viewpoints often rates higher than physical attributes for women when looking for a compatible and potentially long-term partner
Don’t stress over setbacks, take them as something to learn from
- Psychological research shows that resilience in dating correlates with eventual success
- Men who view rejection as feedback rather than failure will maintain their confidence, and confidence is important in attracting others.
- Learning from unsuccessful dates improves your future experiences in dating
Invest in your personal growth
- Studies show that continuous self-improvement increases attractiveness
- Men pursuing personal interests, education, and wellness report more dating success
- This creates both conversation material and demonstrates ambition
Be patient and persistent
- Research from dating platforms indicates that finding compatible partners takes time
- The average person dates 6-8 people before finding a significant relationship
- Consistent, patient effort yields better results than sporadic intense dating periods
Make a plan before suggesting a date
- Pleasant experiences together such as sharing an outdoor activity or visiting a museum or gallery, can build stronger connections than the traditional dinner/drinks dates.
- Novel experiences trigger dopamine release, which can increase attraction
- Don’t be too ambitious - you both need to be relaxed and comfortable on your first date, but ensure it is in pleasant surroundings conductive to creating the right atmosphere
These strategies are supported by relationship psychology research and real-world dating data and using multiple ways to meet potential partners, rather than relying exclusively on one method, will improve your overall chances of success.
Key takeaways:
Men seeking romantic relationships with women today have unprecedented options but also face new challenges in navigating the dating world. While it was thought that the introduction of dating apps would revolutionize how people date and find new partners, they have not replaced traditional ways of successfully dating others and many, particularly those aged 25 and over, may prefer using a traditional, off-line dating agency such as Attractive Partners to meet a like-minded and compatible partner, alongside other more organic ways of meeting new people.
Success in finding a compatible partner appears to come about most strongly through presenting yourself authentically and having the willingness to try a variety of ways to meet others and of course, some understanding of ‘what women want!’ – which is not always about having a super physic. Factors such as good conversation skills and emotional intelligence are highly valued.
For men navigating today’s dating landscape, a flexible approach, being authentic and demonstrating emotional intelligence all contribute to your chances of success.
If you are interested in hearing how Attractive Partners could help you to find a compatible new partner, then speak to us today.
